Frankly My Dear
by Rhino7
Summary: Aerith tries to get Cloud and Leon to get along and be friends. Her efforts yield ridiculous results.


**Frankly My Dear**

**By Rhino7**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This little bit of ridiculous is mine.**

**I've been writing such tense and dramatic fics lately, I wanted to break away from all the seriousness into something nonsensical. I hope that it's at least mildly amusing. It's just more fun prodding at how much Leon and Cloud don't get along, and Aerith's meddling to make them friends. Also for some reason whenever I wrote in the transitions (Tuesday evening, Thursday night, etc) I heard the _Law and Order_ transition noise in my head (snort, snort).**

**Please don't take this seriously at all. Enjoy it for its absurdity XD**

**..:-X-:..**

_Monday afternoon_

Tifa gave Aerith a flat look. "THAT is your master plan?"

Aerith sat up straight, looking proud of herself as she crossed one leg and took a sip of her lemonade. "And it's working." She quipped.

The two women were sitting under the overhang of the outdoor café a few blocks from Merlin's house. The streets of Radiant Garden were quiet today for a sunny afternoon. Aerith could feel Tifa's skepticism coming off of her in waves, but she held her tongue until the other woman set her iced tea down.

"It's actually working?"

Aerith gave her a triumphant smile. "It's been over 24 hours since they got into a spat."

It was widely known fact that Leon and Cloud didn't get along. And there were as many reasons for that as there were rocks in the Great Maw. And Aerith was sick of it. The bickering, the cold silences, the tension in the air when they were in the same room together; it was annoying as all get out. Tifa seemed perfectly fine with tolerating it.

Then again, Tifa was one of those rocks in the Great Maw, so of course she was enjoying it. Aerith just didn't see how Leon and Cloud being two minutes from attacking each other gave the other woman entertainment…but Tifa had always been a little odd.

"Maybe Cloud ran off again and Leon is at the Postern…They don't exactly see each other all the time." Tifa offered.

Aerith swallowed her drink of lemonade. "Nope. They were both in the Marketplace the other day and were downright nice to each other."

Tifa looked at her with a raised eyebrow, "And the sky didn't catch on fire?"

Aerith smirked, "No, because I am awesome." She lifted her hands in homage to herself.

Tifa regarded her flatly. "It's going to take more than a marshmallow threat to get those two thick skulls to make nice."

"I made my terms and they're following them!" Aerith chirped. "I told them I refused to talk to either of them until they resolve their issues and stop being so hostile."

"You might as well tell oil and water to just mix it up." Tifa snorted. "And you know it's going to end badly."

"How so?" Aerith looked at her.

"Grudges win out every time. It's just going to either bottle itself up until they kill each other, or it's going to find another outlet. And that has already begun."

"Another outlet? Something healthy, I hope." Aerith prompted.

Tifa paid her ticket. "Leon's already hidden the keys to Fenrir and Cloud changed all of Leon's passwords to 'iamleontheass-hat'."

A laugh erupted before Aerith could stop it. "Well, that's better than bullets."

"I don't think so." Tifa shook her head, "Cloud is a prank war master. I love Leon to death, but he's not going to win this." She looked to Aerith, "And when it gets ugly, all fingers will point at you."

For the first time Aerith's confidence faltered. "Wait…it's just innocent pranks, right? I mean…what does that mean? Prank war king?"

_Tuesday evening_

Yuffie was lying on Merlin's couch, head hanging off the cushion so that she was watching the movie upside down. "It's better like this. I swear."

Aerith shook her head and sighed, sitting on the recliner and watching the romantic war epic that she had found amidst their travels to the other worlds. She had watched it so many times that she knew that the protagonists of the love story were on the hopelessly doomed end of some civil war, but the romance of the two main characters was just so…melting.

"Yuffie, shh." She quieted the girl. "And Cloud…stop it."

Cloud had canvassed the entire house, it seemed. Under every piece of furniture, inside every drawer, and around other things that hadn't been touched in years: all in search of those forsaken motorcycle keys. For the past hour, he had been looking behind every single book in Merlin's shelves, determined to find them.

"I know they're here." He grumbled. "He's not creative enough to hide them this well."

With a frustrated grunt, he moved into another room to start searching, and Aerith heard Cid immediately cussing at him for interrupting his work.

"You sure about him?" Yuffie chirped. "He's kinda twitchy."

Aerith sighed, "Let's just watch the movie, okay?"

A few scenes passed in the film before Cloud marched back out, muttering.

"—sorry he ever—sonova—"

Aerith held her tongue. Leon and Cloud had been eerily civil to each other in the past 36 hours, but there was a creepy tone in their voices that mixed with Tifa's earlier warning that this whole 'let them resolve it with pranking' would end badly…It was making her nervous.

"This chick needs to get laid." Yuffie added.

Aerith balked. "What?"

"She's all…throwing herself at this dude who clearly doesn't love her, and that other hunk of gorgeous is trying to woo her and she's turning him down. What a nimrod." Yuffie commented.

Aerith was distracted from Cloud's continuing search. "Yuffie, you're missing the point of this movie."

"Really? Because it sounds like the theme is 'flirting for dummies'."

Aerith really worried about that girl sometimes.

_Early Wednesday morning_

"WHAT?"

Aerith stirred, having fallen asleep through the second half of the film. After watching the movie countless times—and it was a LONG movie—She couldn't stay awake so late for it.

Yuffie, however, looked livid at the ending.

"Yuffie, keep it down." Aerith sat up and stretched, glancing behind her.

Cid was drinking coffee at the table, flatly watching Cloud, who was sprawled on his stomach on the floor, looking for false floorboards under which his keys might have been hidden. Cid looked dryly amused; Cloud looked ridiculous.

"So what…all those hours of film…all that wooing…and when she finally wants him…he leaves?" Yuffie gawked at Aerith. "What kind of messed up movie is this?"

Aerith rubbed her eyes. "A person can only be denied love so long before they give up."

"But they got MARRIED! They had a kid! They had a huge house with massive stairs!" Yuffie gestured. "The whole time he knew she wanted the other guy, but he stuck with her."

"I thought you thought she was a floozy?"

"She was…She is…But c'mon, the other chick died and all of the floozy's other husbands died…That's the worst ending ever!" Yuffie pouted.

Aerith was about to answer, but another voice interrupted.

"Oh…oh God…yes…yes, yes, right there…talk dirty to me…you big, sweaty man you…" A woman was saying.

As one, all four of them in the house looked up. Cid froze, coffee lifted to his mouth, and Cloud smacked his head on the furniture he was sprawled under. Yuffie looked around for the origin of the noise and Aerith just tried not to hear it.

"You've been a bad boy…Mrow…" It went on.

Cloud scrambled out from under the furniture, digging at his pocket. "Shit…"

Aerith saw Cloud pull out his cellphone…That was his ringtone? Disgust etched itself on her face at the next sounds that came from the phone before covering her ears. Cloud managed to get the phone out and answer it.

"What?" He snarled. "You mother f-Where are my keys?"

Cid and Yuffie both burst out laughing.

"What was that?" Yuffie snorted.

"Sounded like cheap porn." Cid wiped tears from his eyes. "Remind me to high-five Leon. I didn't know he was capable of that."

"That's what she said!" Yuffie chimed.

Cloud hissed and hung up the phone. "Asshat." He stormed out of the house.

Aerith bit her lip…This wasn't quite going as she'd hoped.

_Thursday afternoon_

Things had been quiet again lately…No more porn noises or obscene password hacking…but the quiet was making Aerith more nervous…especially since Cloud wasn't prowling around for his keys anymore. She could almost hear him plotting somewhere.

"Is there a sequel?" Yuffie prompted.

They were sitting in the dining room of Merlin's house: Aerith cooking dinner, Yuffie polishing her shuriken, and Leon cleaning the Gunblade, which had been dismantled across the table. Tifa had popped in earlier, but Aerith had shooed her out; the woman was a menace in the kitchen.

"Sequel to what?" Aerith replied, stirring the soup on the stove.

"The movie we watched two days ago." Yuffie said. "Y'know, where she convinces him not to divorce her, and they throw a party and buy an island or something."

Aerith snickered, "That's not the way it works. There's not a sequel."

Yuffie made a sound of despair and Leon abruptly sneezed, dropping the trigger mechanism of the Gunblade he had been holding. It fell to the table with a loud thunk.

"Are you getting sick?" Aerith looked over at him. "That's the fourth time in the past twenty minutes that you've sneezed."

"No." Leon grunted, picking up part of the blade to clean it.

"Well, I'd rather you weren't sneezing like that when you're handling sharp objects." Aerith warned.

Leon gave her a deadpan look as he resumed cleaning the piece. Five minutes later he sneezed again.

"Maybe someone is saying something nice about you." Aerith suggested about the constant sneezing.

"Definitely not old Cloudy." Yuffie snickered. "He's got a whole line of four letter words just waiting for you, Squall."

"Leon." He corrected absently. "And he asked for it."

"He asked for a pornographic ring tone?" Aerith said disapprovingly.

Leon gave his best innocent look and failed miserably at it. Under her scolding glare, he shifted in his seat and his knee hit the underside of the table. Almost immediately, something flopped to the floor, as though it had been attached to the bottom of the table.

Aerith tilted her head as Leon kicked the thing away from him. Yuffie picked up the branch and eyed it for a moment.

"Goldenrod?" Leon said dangerously. "One of the only things I'm allergic to?" He looked to Aerith and Yuffie. "And what only the Restoration Committee knows?"

"Don't look at me." Aerith lifted a hand. "I wanted you two to resolve your issues peacefully…not like juveniles."

He glared at Yuffie, who threw the branch out the window and did a much better innocent look than he could.

"How do you know the others didn't do it?" She suggested.

"Cid doesn't talk to Cloud. Tifa knows what he's planning, and Merlin is out of town." Leon fired off. "You fraternized with the enemy?"

"You make it sound so dirty." Yuffie smirked. "And I would say sorry but…Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Aerith couldn't suppress a snort at that and Leon got to his feet. Yuffie shot like a dart out the door and Leon growled something about 'getting him back for this', as he hastily started putting the Gunblade back together.

"You two promised you'd be civil." She warned.

"I am being civil." Leon seethed, leaving the kitchen.

Oh, this was going downhill.

_Friday morning_

It was Tifa's turn to look triumphant as Aerith voiced her concerns about the escalation of this 'harmless' conflict that the two grown men were engaging in.

"Under the façade of every man is a five year old just waiting to pounce." She mused.

Aerith sighed, "I think you're right. I really thought we were making a break through. They were being nicer to each other. There wasn't so much hostility…"

"Did Leon really set Cloud's phone to make porn noises?" Tifa cut in, eyes glinting.

Aerith looked at her woefully. "It was disgusting."

"Man! I can't believe I wasn't there." Tifa smacked her knee.

"How do I make it stop?" Aerith said, sitting in the back room of Merlin's house with Tifa and Yuffie, who was far too absorbed with reading the back of the movie case. "Can I call a truce? A cease-fire? What's the white flag for this?"

Tifa chuckled. "There isn't one. Eventually one of them will cross the line or one of them will end up in the hospital. That breaks your no-violence rule, and the victor gets reprimanded, the loser gets an embarrassing scar, and one poor motorcycle pays the ultimate price."

Aerith shook her head at the woman's response. "You're just encouraging this destructive behavior, you know. If YOU told Leon to drop this, he would, and Cloud would leave him alone."

"Yeah, because Leon listens to me." Tifa snorted. "I think the only thing that could get two red blooded males to stop is to go Lysistrata on them."

Yuffie looked up from the movie, "That sounds like a disease."

"It's an old play." Tifa explained. "These stubborn men go to war and eventually their wives and girlfriends get so tired of it that they swear themselves to celibacy until the men negotiate a peace." She shrugged, "It worked well enough for them."

Blood rushed to Aerith's face. "I'm sure there's a more appropriate and less…vulgar way to make Leon and Cloud see reason."

Yuffie, however, laughed. "Using sex as a weapon—or lack of sex as a weapon. Very nice." She gave Tifa a high-five.

Then as though suddenly struck by an epiphany, the young ninja sprang to her feet, pointing at Tifa.

"I get it! You're the floozy!" She roared.

Aerith blinked, but Tifa balked. "I beg your pardon?"

"No, not like that…I mean, yeah, sorta…but look." Yuffie handed her the movie case. "This floozy woman in this movie keeps chasing after this guy who's not interested in her, right? And this other guy starts trying to win her over, but all she ever talks about is the first guy."

Tifa lifted an eyebrow at the film box. "Uh…huh…"

"And it makes perfect sense because the first guy is a bit of a doink anyway…oh, you better be nicer to Leon or he's going to divorce you after your best friend dies!"

Tifa looked at Aerith with raised eyebrows.

Yuffie grimaced and looked at Aerith, "Oh, sorry, that makes you the best friend." She blinked, "Wait a second…which one am I?"

That…odd…revelation was interrupted as Leon staggered in from the back door. His face was covered in filthy pictures on one side in what was probably permanent ink, and giant oven mitts had been duct taped on his hands. He stumbled halfway across the kitchen before pointing at them with one entire hand, the mitt of which was covered in little cows.

"Shh!" He hissed, and barreled into the other room.

A beat passed.

The three women just stared at the doorway.

Then Tifa snorted and leaned back in her seat. "Y'know, I'm tapping that."

_Later Friday morning_

"Cid, could you please just tell them to stop?" Aerith pleaded. "They might actually listen to you."

Cid snickered, watching Leon struggle with the oven mitts. "Are you kidding? This is the most entertaining shit I've seen in months."

Yuffie was still pestering Tifa. "But it's so obvious! Ashley has absolutely no interest in Scarlet, or he wouldn't have married Melanie! Scarlet was chasing after him for nothing."

"He hinted at it." Tifa argued. "There are clear and obvious clues throughout the whole movie that he has feelings for her. He never says that he doesn't love her. He even puts the moves on her a few times."

"That's the testosterone-poisoning." Yuffie waved her off. "And by the time she realizes that she really loved Rhett all along, he has given up on her!" She seized Tifa by the shoulders. "Carpe diem, Tifa! Leon is your Rhett Butler!"

Tifa jerked as Yuffie shook her violently. "He has oven mitts taped over his hands and genitalia drawn on his face…Oh, yeah, he's a real catch."

"As opposed to Cloud? Who has a porn-o-phone?" Yuffie lifted an eyebrow.

Aerith sighed and looked over at Leon, who was carefully struggling with a bottle of something with the mitts. She was half-hearted to offer to help, but if she did, he wouldn't learn. She was about to cut into Yuffie and Tifa's conversation when the door opened.

Cloud walked in and his and Leon's eyes met dangerously. There were no obscurities about Cloud's appearance compared to Leon's, but Aerith could have sworn she heard old Mexican standoff music in her head as the two glared at each other.

This town ain't big enough for the two of us, she inwardly narrated.

"Hey." Cloud greeted the room gruffly.

Yuffie and Tifa glanced over with identical expectant looks. "Hi."

"Hello." Leon replied lowly, like the growl of an angry cat.

Cid snorted and snatched the movie cover box from Yuffie. "I guess that makes you the loud mouthed sidekick?"

The ninja balked, looking at him and snatching the box back. "And you get to be the old father guy who goes insane and falls off a horse!"

Cloud looked over and raised an eyebrow, "Are you still talking about that?"

Leon made his move while Cloud's face was turned away. He sprang up and swung one hand around, like a giant, cow-patterned paddle at Cloud's head.

Cloud immediately looked back, but didn't immediately duck. His expression was most adequately described as 'really? You're going to hit me with an oven mitt?' before Leon made contact.

The mitt smacked across Cloud's face with a loud WHOMP, but it didn't sound like a fighting blow. Aerith had seen Leon punch things before. He put his whole weight behind it, slamming his fist around hard enough to drop a man. This was more of a restrained-slap, than anything.

But the plume of white dust that billowed out of the mitt and against Cloud's face on impact was more concerning. Cloud staggered once with the slap and glared at Leon.

"That was weak. What was the point of—"

And then he promptly hit the floor, out like a light.

Leon leaned far away from the cloud of white powder, holding his breath as he kicked the door open and wafted the fumes out. Aerith, Yuffie, Tifa, and Cid just watched him. There weren't words…really…other than…

"Did you just kill him?" Yuffie asked genuinely.

Leon tore the tape around his wrist with his teeth and wrangled out of the gloves. "Sleeping powder. He'll be out for the next three to five hours. Toss me that hair dye."

"Absolutely not." Aerith stood in shock, "This has gotten far out of control. I am appalled at how…immature…juvenile…and just…ignorant that you two have sunk—"

Cid tossed Leon the bottle of hair dye and the man immediately got to work.

Tifa picked up the dye's box, looking utterly unaffected. "Starburst orange, nice."

Aerith gaped. "What is WRONG with you people?"

_Friday evening_

Cloud had not been ecstatic about his starburst orange hair when he woke up, but what was most concerning was what little outburst he made about it.

"He's a little craftier than I thought." He had remarked, before promptly disappearing.

That had been an hour ago, and Aerith was really starting to panic.

Leon, meanwhile, had disappeared also, off to plot his next completely adolescent and immature ploy, Aerith mused.

"I give up." Aerith lay facedown on the couch as Tifa put away the remains of dinner. "They're going to hate each other forever."

"No, not forever." Tifa remarked. "Just until Cloud's hair turns back to normal and the permanent ink fades from Leon's face."

Aerith looked sorrowfully up at her. "Is this some big joke to you?"

"Pretty much."

"I know this is just a fun revenge week for you, but it's killing me." Aerith sat up on her elbows. "Cloud wronged you, I get it, and Leon is playing knight-in-shining-armor and giving him crap for it."

"Knight? He smacked Cloud with sleeping powder-laced oven mitts…That's not exactly a lance to the chest, there Maid Marion." Tifa snickered.

"I'm serious." Aerith exhaled. "All I wanted is for them to get over this…this…mess of…whatever that's keeping them from being friends. Leon is like my brother…and Cloud…Well…he's…"

"The Ashley to your Melanie." Yuffie piped up from the computer.

"…Sure, that." Aerith went with it.

"You really need to watch another movie." Tifa commented, then, "Aerith, they don't not get along because Cloud ignored me for so long or because Leon has a stick up his ass or because Cloud very much broke my heart or because Leon asked me out first." She sighed. "Have you considered that they don't want to be friends? That they are happiest like this?"

"With orange hair and a marked-up face?" Aerith said flatly. "I'll take it into consideration."

Yuffie sat up suddenly. "Do you smell brownies?"

Aerith nodded, "I put some in the oven not too long ago, but they aren't done yet."

"Well, I smell brownies now." Yuffie sat up. "And for your information, Ashley and Rhett got along perfectly well. It was Scarlet who kept causing drama."

"For the last time, Yuffie, I am not Scarlet!"

_Saturday afternoon_

Aerith knew it was the final straw when she walked into Merlin's house to find Cloud and Leon both in the living room, sitting quite relaxed and casual. Cloud had had Merlin magic his hair back to its normal color, but Leon hadn't had much luck with the marker, though at the moment, he looked pretty at ease, sitting on the floor and holding a plastic cup with red tissue paper sticking out of it.

From his seat on the couch, Cloud looked over to Aerith. "Hi."

He sounded victorious, and it made her nervous.

"Hi." She replied, looking from Cloud to Leon and back to Cloud. "What's going on?"

Cloud gave a shit-eating grin. "We're bonding."

Leon was staring down at the red tissue paper in the cup, though he abruptly looked up when Aerith spoke. His eyes were bloodshot and he was grinning like an idiot.

"Hellooo." He chirped.

"Oh dear God." Aerith lifted a hand at his cheery expression. "Cloud, what did you do?"

Yuffie was in the kitchen pouting, "Test batch, my butt! You two are just greedy!"

Aerith looked to Yuffie and then to Cloud, "What is she talking about?"

Yuffie answered before Cloud could. "He totally snatched away that first batch of brownies that you made. Said it was a test batch or some peace offering to Squall or whatever. I don't buy it." She stomped into the living room.

"I only made the one batch." Aerith spied the brownies on the platter that she had made in the kitchen.

Glancing back toward them in the living room, she saw another half-empty tray of brownies, still on the cooking sheet, on the coffee table. The puzzle pieces fell into place a lot faster than she wanted them to. She groaned and glared at the scene as Yuffie walked up next to her, for once innocent in this situation.

"Squall, what are you doing?" The girl asked, tilting her head at the plastic cup.

"I—" Leon sat up straighter, "—It's Leon." He looked up at the ceiling before looking back at Yuffie. "Not Squall. SQUALL. What a weird name." He giggled and snorted loudly at the end of it. "SQUALL. Like some kind of bird call. Squall."

Yuffie glanced at Cloud, Aerith, back to Leon, and then the tray. Then she voiced Aerith's suspicion. "Those are special brownies, aren't they?"

"Special brownies for a special guy." Cloud looked like he might as well have been crowned king of the universe.

"Hey!" Leon pointed at him, dead serious. "You're awesome."

Aerith cringed, rubbing her eyes even as Cloud grinned in his triumph.

"Seriously." Leon shook a fist. "We should be best friends."

"Oh, I'm getting the camera." Yuffie ran off on her mission.

"Aerith!" Leon hailed her. "Come here."

"No, I think I—" Aerith grimaced.

He gestured wildly, "C'mere, c'mere, c'mere, c'mere."

Aerith sent Cloud a scalding look and got closer to Leon. "Yes?"

He held up the cup with the red tissue paper sticking out. "This…is the Fire of Truth…Listen, listen, listen!" He leaned in closer, like it was a secret. "Friends don't lie to each other." He took her hand, "And as long as this flame stays lit…I will never lie to you."

Cloud covered his mouth with a fist, but it barely stifled the laughter.

Aerith sighed and put on a gentle grin, "Leon…Sweetie…It's red paper in a cup."

"The symbolism!" Leon whispered. "Cloud, back me up."

Cloud lifted his shoulders, "Can't argue with the Fire of Truth."

"Ha!" Leon pointed, "That's what I'm talking about!"

Yuffie hurried back in with the camera, hastily turning on the recorder. Tifa followed her in, apparently having been in the other room when the young ninja bounced in demanding the camera.

"What's going on?" Tifa asked.

Aerith grimaced. "Marijuana brownies, that's what."

Tifa looked from Cloud, grinning like an idiot, to Leon, holding the plastic cup. "So…which one got duped?"

"Tifa!" Leon exclaimed as he noticed her.

"Nevermind." Tifa went deadpan.

Leon clamored to his feet, "I just want you to know…before the Fire of Truth—"

Yuffie snickered and Aerith tried to stop Leon.

"—that I am in love with you." He declared.

Tifa blinked at the statement. Yuffie gasped, taping the whole scene, including the horror-stricken Cloud on the couch and Aerith just helplessly staring.

"And not just because you're hot…although," Leon gestured to Tifa's figure. "Damn."

Color hit Tifa's cheeks at the same time all the blood vanished from Cloud's face. Clearly, he hadn't been expecting this little ramification.

"But because…you're just awesome." Leon went on, pulling Tifa into a bearhug. "And together…we will make beautiful children…"

Yuffie lost it then, laughing so hard she had to sit down.

Tifa was stuck in the embrace for a long moment, before reaching up and patting his arm. "That's…that's nice, Leon…really…Thank you." She looked to Aerith for help.

Aerith just rubbed her forehead, put her hands on her hips, and looked to Cloud. "Seriously? For this you're the 'prank war master'?"

Yuffie kept rolling the video camera, jostling the device with her giggling.

Cloud didn't look quite so triumphant now, and ended up throwing the Fire of Truth cup at Leon and Tifa. "All right, cut it out."

Leon released Tifa, who was stifling her own laughter, and looked down at the cup. The red paper had scattered out onto the floor. He looked disappointed for a moment, but then gazed to Cloud, then Aerith, and then leaned sideways.

"Man, I'm hungry." He abruptly walked toward the kitchen.

Tifa fanned herself and Aerith and Cloud both looked at her. She snickered and canted her head. "I think we should call this a draw."

"What?" Yuffie lowered the camera. "But it was just getting good!"

Aerith lifted a hand, "I agree with Tifa. Right?" She looked to Cloud. "Things have gotten out of hand enough. I'd rather you two just bicker and argue than start hiding dead fish in each other's rooms and planting LSD in each other's coffee."

Cloud stood, "I'm okay with that…the draw, I mean."

Tifa narrowed one eye at him and Aerith sighed. The public displays of affection seemed to have soured his enjoyment of this little war. Yuffie pouted, but none of the rest of them looked disappointed about the truce.

After a beat, Cloud sighed, "Maybe he'll give me my keys back now that he's baked."

He took a step toward the kitchen after Leon, but Tifa lifted a hand.

"Not necessary. I've got them." She said.

All three of them looked at her.

"You've had Fenrir's keys the whole time?" Aerith gawked. "I thought we were going to stay neutral in this whole thing!"

"Please, Aerith," Tifa snickered, "Think of the beautiful children."

Then she unceremoniously reached into her blouse and pulled a set of keys out from her cleavage. Yuffie made a scandalous noise and Aerith rolled her eyes. Tifa tossed the keys to Cloud, who caught them, looking disturbed.

Aerith was about to scold Tifa for being so brazen, but Yuffie looked toward the window.

"Is that hail?"

"Shit!" Cloud shot toward the door, bounding out after Fenrir, which had been left outside since it wasn't being used.

The three women stood in Merlin's living room in silent confusion.

"Some master plan." Tifa broke the silence. "Now one is high as a kite, probably eating all the Raisin Bran in the house, and the other is braving hail to save his motorcycle."

Aerith glared lightly, but Tifa was grinning. Aerith shook her head and chuckled softly. It all was a bit ridiculous, but she could see the humor now that it was over.

"I guess they'll be back to the cold shoulders and hostility by tomorrow." Aerith sighed.

"Boys will be boys." Tifa shrugged and glanced around. "So…what now? I was counting on that entertainment this afternoon."

A beat passed.

Yuffie straightened, "We could watch that movie again!"

Both Aerith and Tifa snapped in unison. "NO!"

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** With apologies to _Gone With the Wind_ and _Lysistrata_.


End file.
